28 May Trusting the Unconscious
Tale of the Day:
Trusting the unconscious
Recently I had a client come to me because of a “big black sea of emotions.” Frank told me he felt tense, like he didn’t even want to “go there.” I began by working with the part of him that felt tense, guiding him through the Core Transformation* process.
[For those of you unfamiliar with Core Transformation, the process works with any feeling, thought, or behavior we want to change. We find the part of us generating this feeling, thought, or behavior, and ask the part, “when you generate this behavior, what do you want?” We then invite the part to step into what it’s like to already have what it wants, and ask again, “when you have this, what is it you want through this that’s even deeper or more core?” We do this until arriving at what’s wanted at the deepest level, a Core State of being. Then we discover how already having this Core State transforms the initial feeling, behavior, or thought we wanted to change.]
In my next meeting with Frank we did Core Transformation with another part of him that he experienced as a limitation. In our third meeting he reported that we were getting to great outcomes in the sessions, and he felt great for a couple hours after, but then he would fall into a funk for up to a week. He said, “It feels like poking at it makes it worse.” I had never had a client respond in this way before. Core Transformation is the most gentle process I know, and yet some part of him was still feeling like we were “poking” at it.
“Well we certainly don’t want to poke at anything,” I said. “In fact this whole process is meant to support the part of you that we’re working with, so it’s important that we find a way that doesn’t feel like poking.” Frank nodded. Remembering his initial tension and reluctance to address the “big black sea of emotions” combined with this feeling of being “poked at,” I asked Frank if he would like to work on the unconscious level, where he wouldn’t have to “go there” at all. Not only would everything remain private from me, not even he would be conscious of any of the content we were working with. It would remain private from him as well.
“Yeah, that sounds great. How do we do that?”
This time when we did the Core Transformation process we began by establishing communication with the part of him that felt like it was “being poked at” asking this part if it was open to doing the process as long as it knew it could keep all its answers private, even from Frank. Frank’s part agreed, so we went through the Core Transformation process, but this time when we asked the part what it wanted, I asked it to answer only for itself, keeping the answer secret from both Frank and me.
Without any content, the process went quite quickly, and Frank seemed very comfortable the whole time. When we met two weeks later Frank told me, “After what we did last time, I got total transformation! A total change with how I feel. And not just a lack of the post-appointment depression I was having. Last session totally turned around how I feel, what I want, and knowing how I want to live my life.” He told me about his new clarity about plans for school, career, and life. He was sincerely motivated and on a clear path.
Click here for Mark’s next Core Transformation training in Austin TX.
*Core Transformation was developed by Connirae Andreas, and is available in book form here.
Tool of the Day:
Unconscious Core Transformation Exercise:
1) As you’re going through the day and you notice a feeling, behavior, or thought that isn’t working well for you, realize that since you didn’t consciously decide to generate this feeling, behavior, or thought, it’s as if some unconscious (meaning automatic) part of you generated it.
2) Where, in your body or around you, do you sense this unconscious/automatic part of you? If you’re not sure just guess, or ask, “If there were a part of me generating this feeling, behavior, or thought, where would that part of me be?”
3) If you want you can place a hand over the area where you experience the part. Thank this part for being here, because even though you don’t know what it’s positive purpose is, you can trust that this part has some positive purpose for being here. (This is one of the basic presuppositions in NLP, and this alone can be profound for someone who has been thinking they needed to “get rid” of parts of themselves). You can stop here if you only have a few minutes, or go to step 4 if you have more time.
4) Ask this part of you, “What do you want?” and invite it to answer for itself, outside of your conscious awareness. Then thank the part for its response, and invite it to step into experiencing what it’s like to already have what it wants fully and completely. Ask, “When you have this, what do you want through having this that’s even deeper or more core?” Again invite the part to answer for itself beyond your conscious awareness. Repeat this as long as you want, or until the part can go no deeper. Beyond your conscious awareness, invite the part to notice how already having this deep-level experience enriches, transforms and radiates through each of its previous answers, and the initial experience you started with.